Still, how to properly talk to people the psychology of this issue is very important. The fact is that our whole life, if you look at it honestly, it is woven from communication. The human body is 90% made up of water, and just like that, our whole life is 90% made up of communication.
We communicate with close people at home, communicate on vacation with friends. We communicate at work with our colleagues, supervisors, employees. We communicate with clients, we communicate with salesmen. We communicate with people we don’t know at all.
We communicate with the person we crazyly like. We’re talking to someone who makes us mad. Communicating, communicating, communicating… And sometimes communication makes us happy, and sometimes it makes us sad. Our whole life is about communication.
There are important things about communication, about how to communicate properly. You can use them to communicate with completely different people. Those who know these rules and know how to apply them masterfully, become much more successful and happy. And this person becomes higher on his head than those around him.
- Everyone’s forgotten ability to communicate with people
The 1st most important thing in our civilization is the neglected skill of communicating with people. Being here and now is what is constantly overlooked. It is very important, extremely important when a person, for example, drives a car. Because if he goes somewhere with his thoughts, boom! Crash. And it’s a good thing if the accident is easy: scratched or something. What if it’s something serious?
It often happened that I was not present at the lectures at the institute: I woke up already during the break. It was very hard to listen to the lectures and in the end, I finally made sure that sleeping on a pillow is much more comfortable than on hard desks.
I’m sure you also have some examples of when someone wasn’t present during the conversation.
At school it happens so often, for example, Sidorov sits and thinks about girls. And then the teacher picks him up: “Sidorov, what did I just say?” Ah… And Sidorov can’t do it again, because he was mentally on the beach with the girls.
There are also situations when a person tells something and another person is hovering in the clouds somewhere. This is often seen when there is a couple: husband and wife, and the woman tells how her day has passed, that you can buy a locker and so on. And he goes to her: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm…
And if you ask him, “What, honey, did I just tell you?” he’s, uh… It’s a specific communication joint. When that situation happens, there’s no person here. And so there’s just no communication. It’s such a bummer.
It’s the most basic thing that really happens.
- Views and rules of communication with people…
The second thing about the rules of communication with people is your opinion, the perception of the interlocutor through your eyes. Just look at each other, note the mood of the potential interlocutor, something else he has. Because it is not enough, only to be here, the eyes, they are also intended for something.
A friend of mine, he couldn’t communicate by looking into his eyes at one time. He kept walking away from it and muttering, looking into his phone. I don’t know what he was doing on that phone — I don’t know if he was playing tic-tac-toe or sea battle — I wasn’t looking.
It was a little weird. It was just hard for him to communicate, so he was running into his phone. And when he did get out of his gadget, it turned out he was a cool guy, so he was looking at you, and communication was much easier.
When, for example, there’s a fight, you can see a husband and wife looking in different directions. They don’t look at each other, they don’t want to – it’s hard to communicate. A man who’s angry – it doesn’t hurt to look at him.
It is not just to be here, but also to perceive the interlocutor – it is important. It is not for nothing that there are video calls in which you can not only hear the person, but also see.
Emotions, things that cannot be conveyed by words – they are read by a person and it is very, very important for people to see each other. And that’s not just happening sometimes, either. When a person is angry, or he is shy, or he is so formidable, the boss is so serious … By the way, a person in anger perceives the gaze as aggression – here you have to be more careful.
Or when such a beauty, which a person is not even worthy, he has no right to even look at her. And if he does not look at her, then how can he propose to her? He’ll turn his back on her like this and say, “Let’s go to the registry office.” What is this?
This is the second very important rule.
- What is the true art of communicating with people…
The third thing, very difficult, is the real art of communication with people. And this is important in any conversation – it’s a certain sense of tact on the one hand, and on the other hand – understanding that we are all far from perfect. For example, a wife may know very well what pisses off her half. For example: “Oh, you never hung up that shelf!”
And he just dislikes those shelves. He knows and he nags himself for not hanging her. And she also adds heat and salt to the wound. It can make him feel white. And in some cases, she does it deliberately, angering her husband on purpose.
For example, a man says something during a conversation that makes a woman uncomfortable. It’ll flicker, for instance. It’s wrong, of course, to act like a gentleman with ladies. At the same time, people often don’t do it deliberately, not to attack the person they’re talking to on purpose.
It often happens because he didn’t think it could be unpleasant for the other person. The person he knows about himself, but about others – not really, he can not get into the head. That’s why, sometimes, you step on someone else’s sick blister – not knowing what you’re doing.
It is recommended to count up to 10 in such a situation, and then tell him: “Vasya, please, do not swear”. This may work a little better than hysterics.
It’s a rule to count to 10 – it’s definitely good. However, not everyone will succeed without training, because people are different, situations are different: someone yells, screams, stomped on his feet, someone whines, cries, the other lies away from drinking.
And this is not the most serious thing. And there are different situations when the communication that the other person gives you just pisses off. To be a person who can withstand serious loads, there are special training. They require time and energy, and you need to know where they are held.
And if you do not have this opportunity to pump properly, then try to count to 10. It won’t always work out, especially at first. But the water sharpens the stone. It will return to you in a way that people will appreciate you. Very, very, very much. For not yelling at once, not being rude, but humanly explaining what you’re doing. You don’t blame me for that.
“Vasya, cursing in company with men is the right thing to do. If you don’t swear, you’ll be looked at like a man. And now you and I have a date, an evening, romance. And I want to hear nice, tender, beautiful words from you.”
And he can really hear you. Because you don’t teach him how to live, you just explain him in a human way. You talk about your calluses, and you don’t step on his calluses. Because both this guy and any of us don’t like to be wrong or wrong.
This is about sick calluses.
- How to talk to people with your ears is the psychology of listening…
The next important thing in any communication is a report. Giving the person your message. It is often the case that the person says something inaudible or not loud enough – they just can’t hear it.
You’ve probably had this before when the connection is bad on the phone and it starts to get annoying. You can’t hear a person, you have to say the same thing several times. He asks you to come to the window, and you’ve been standing at the window for a long time, even went out to the balcony to find out what he was drilling. I’m already at the window, on the other hand! You pick up your own… 5th point!
I can’t get the message. And in the end, the relationship spoils, even love can suddenly shipwreck, if one of the lovers did not bring something important to the other in time. In order for this to happen, you must try to convey your idea to the person you’re talking to.
Give it to him clearly, loudly enough. And such things as emotions: you don’t always have to say something rude, for example. At the same time, emotions are different in one situation or another. Bad emotions do not really happen, but emotions have to be used in a place. As well as the volume of the voice: at some point you need to yell for the person to hear you.
Somehow we started to conflict with a comrade, but the common intention was to work together, so we had sharp moments, it turned out that no one wanted to put a noose around the other and the friendship was restored. It had even gotten warmer with this person somehow.
On this wave, I started telling him some story from my childhood. And I just started to tell it, I have what they say, only my soul turned around … And he was so worried: somewhere he suddenly had an urgent need – I have to go, run away.
Only I started to open my soul. When you understand that you are important to him, that the common cause is valuable to both of them and on this basis increases naturally location, trust. You start to turn around, you start to open up… And he cuts it off.
It’s bringing something to others and listening to the other person.
- How to communicate effectively with people who cannot be shut up…
If your companion speaks quietly, it becomes absolutely unclear how to communicate effectively with such a person. There is a serious desire to use rope and duct tape…
Especially often there is a situation when a person tells you something for the first time. And at a certain point it becomes just unbearable to listen. Well, once you’ve listened, well, two at the end of the day. But why the hell is he telling me this for the tenth time!?!
Was it with you?
And sometimes you tell something to another person, but it is not clear whether he listened to you or not – in return he says nothing. In such situations, when you wanted to tell something to another person, and he just did not let you know that he heard you. In these situations, you want to say it again and again and again and again and again and again…
After all, a man can be fucking crazy about you telling him the same thing 100 times already. To make sure that doesn’t happen, he’d just say, “Dude, I heard you.” And sometimes it’s enough to say, “Okay.”
And a person magically realizes that they’ve been heard. And he won’t fuck with you anymore.
Sometimes it is difficult for the speaker to understand that he has brought his thought to you and he needs to repeat it much more powerfully: louder, brighter, longer – to explain that he has brought it to you. You may even have to use different interesting words from the local dialect.
It is important to confirm to the person that his message, his thought was communicated to you. He understands that he’s been heard. He’s really been heard and he doesn’t want to repeat it to you anymore. Okay, we got the message. It’s done. And it doesn’t bother him anymore.
It’s about such an important thing as confirmation.
- The ability to communicate with people when they’re shy or when it’s hard for the other person to talk…
Another important skill is the ability to communicate with people, for example, shy. Some things are hard to say, it is difficult to communicate on certain topics. For example, it can be hard to tell a girl what you love.
Or, for example, it’s hard to admit something that you did wrong. Or just another person can find it difficult to explain some things, it is not quite comfortable to discuss them. You need help in situations.
How do you do that? One office called it the “Method Mm-hmm.” You encourage a person to continue talking, you pull a rope and a person eventually tells you everything, says everything that was difficult to tell you.
As a result, he feels relieved, and you feel that you understand the situation. Often this solves all kinds of problems, there is a great understanding of each other, trust, real friendship. It is very valuable that the communication is fully completed, that the person fully told everything.
And you help him with what you say: yeah, yeah, go on, and what’s next… – you pull the rope when he starts to have difficulties, when he starts to slip. And then, when he’s completely out of it, you confirm to him, “I hear you.” By doing so, you confirm to him that everything he’s told you has really gotten to you.
Often a person does not even need to know your opinion about all this, he does not need your advice at all. Often it happens that you tell about your situation in business or family and you immediately begin to advise, teach, share your opinion.
And you haven’t even fully told us what happened there yet. You don’t need any advice, you just need to talk. You just want to tell someone else about it. That’s why there’s so much trouble when a person tells something to another person, they talk, and they start teaching him or her, or they don’t listen at all.
As a result, it is difficult for a person to talk about certain things. It’s just that he’s had a lot of breakdowns with it and it’s hard to do it now. So you have to help and pull these things out of him.
And so he gave you everything: Whoo-hoo! He’s really cool about it. And you feel like a real master of communication. It’s just that you listened to him, you just helped him out a little.
Knowing how to listen is a real friend’s ability.
- How to succeed in communicating with people is the secret way
And for an appetizer, another secret way to succeed in communicating with people. You have to understand that people are not always in good shape. Even the best of us can be in a situation where we need a little control.
So you buy tangerines from a southerner, and he says: “Look, 2 kilos turned out – 150 rubles in total”. In it you give 1000, he takes it, gives you tangerines and begins to tell you that his grandmother really loves to buy these tangerines: “Not believe it, not believe it, the most delicious tangerines.
You say to him, “All right, well, give me the change.” He says, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll give it to you, listen, my grandmother, she’s very smart and she never tires of repeating that tangerine is the most valuable fruit!”
And you say to him, “Still, honey, I know what you mean about your grandmother. But please give me some change.” In the end, the change finally comes to you. I mean, sometimes it takes a little bit of conversation management to get results.
Sometimes a person needs this kind of control when he does not have enough attention – he jumps from one to another. And sometimes it is unprofitable for him or he wants to boil more on you. Or for some other reason, he’s willing to move out on purpose.
In both such cases, you can use the competent communication to bring the process to the desired result.
These are the 7 most important psychology skills on how to talk to people correctly. They are required in communication with any complete person: a stranger, a friend, a loved one, an old person, a family member, a child…
If you have these skills, you’re on top of everyone else’s head. The fact is, the ability to communicate is a key ability in life. There’s no other ability that’s that important.
So now make sure you download my book “5 Secrets of Communication in the City”. I’ve only collected the key communication things there. These secrets will be useful to you anywhere. Anywhere you can communicate.